Dreams of Darkness

Stupidity.

Okay. So my power went out. I lit some candles. My power came back on. I put out some candles. I went to blow out the last one, and my hair caught fire.

I'd been leaning over the candle, and didn't see stray strands touch the fire.

I put it out really quick and I'm not burned. I just now have shorter hair on my front right side. It's kind of funny  and scary all at once. Stupid mostly.

Fellow people with long hair, fire is bad, water is wet, etc.

So. I don't have health insurance. I am poor, in debt, and don't qualify for medical assistance.
The local ER has charity assistance, so I can go there in an emergency. Yay.

Unfortunately, I can't see a normal doctor. Or dentist. Or fill a prescription that isn't at the ER pharmacy.

Anyway, I finally was able to afford a new pair of pants. And I wore them to work. I came home, showered, and I freaked out when I found a rash on my legs. I got rid of the pants, but the rash didn't fade. It shifted positions on my legs, faded and returned in different places, and didn't itch. It also looked nothing like any rash I've ever seen or had. A couple of weeks go by, and I decided to go to the ER.

It turns out I have/had allergic vasculitis. Allergic vasculitis is hypersensitivity to a drug or foreign substance that leads to inflammation and damage to blood vessels of the skin. A weird looking rash on my legs, basically.

The ER doctor diagnosed it. (Lol, he had to look it up in a book.) It's mainly caused by a reaction to a drug. It can also be a symptom of herpes, and liver(kidney?) problems. It can sometimes be just a normal allergic reaction, thank god. The  Doc ran some tests. No to herpes, drug reactions (like I could afford medication for anything more than the common cold), and liver(kidney?) problems. So I have allergies. To what I don't know.

The ER doctor proceeded to lecture when I asked if there was anyway to treat it without seeing the specialist. I have no insurance or money with which to see a specialist. His entire tone throughout the conversation was off-putting. It was the 'Ick, Poor Person. Why don't you have any money?' tone I've come to know so well.

'ER Doctor: This isn't really something we do. We're not specialists. I can't even begin to tell you what to treat it with. You have to find a way to see specialist. Save up for it. Do something. They have to find out what you are allergic to. Go to a specialist.
Me: But I don't have insurance or any money...
ER Doctor: See a specialist. I can't help you.'

So I call the local dermatologist, the only one in there area.

Me: How much would it cost to treat and diagnose the cause of allergic vasculitis?"
DO (Dermatologist's Office): I don't know. That would depend on what you have and the treatment for it.
Me: ...I have allergic vasculitis. How much would treating it cost? Could you or the doctor estimate?
DO: The doctor would first have to evaluate what's wrong and then determine the course of treatment.
Me: I've already seen a doctor. I know what I----(cut off here)
DO: The doctor would still have make a determination.
Me: Alright. I don't have insurance. How much would I need to pay upfront?
DO: ...All of it.
Me: You don't bill people?
DO: No, ma'am. Not if they don't have insurance. All the money has to paid at the appointment.
Me: And the doctor can't estimate what that sort of treatment would cost?
DO: No.'

Great. So people with insurance can be billed. Not people that actually need the billing or the payment plans.

So I could have to pay anywhere between $50 to $5000 at the office. I began to wallow in self-pity. I thought I would be stuck with the rash spreading slowly up my body for years before I saved up enough to see a doctor.

Since the rash had to do with the blood vessels I decided to start taking an aspirin a day.  Aspirin helps with blood flow, so it seemed like a good idea.

And it was. The rash is gone now. It turns out that allergic vasculitis is often treated with aspirin. WTF, ER Doctor. You could have mentioned that maybe?

I finally have a PS3. Usually the only time I could afford a game or gaming console is when it's on the way out. I didn't get an N64 until they were being sold at bargain prices. I didn't get a PS2 until years after it came out.

I've been saving for months (almost a year) for the PS3.

Now...

I'm not really sure why I spent so much money for this. The loading times in-game and the noises the PS3 makes while gaming are driving me batty. I feel like I have cheated myself. I'd return it, but I feel kind of like an idiot.

Cashier: And your reason for this return?
Shireal: I didn't realize it would suck so bad. I feel Sony has personally wounded me with this.

I can't help feeling like I should have bought just a Wii to play Super Mario Galaxy. I miss Mario.

I have not had a sunburn in three years. This is why I forgot to wear sunblock when I went hiking with a friend. I wore pants and a t-shirt, which saved my shoulders and back. Michelle, my friend of Irish descent, chose to wear a tank top and shorts. She has pale milky skin, freckles, and red-orange-gold hair I want to kill her for. Which is why she was worse off. I got sunburn on my arms, my face, and my upper chest(v-neck area). Michelle got it everywhere there wasn't clothing. :( I'm currently covering the sunburn in cocoa-butter and aloe. Michelle might be looking at a mild dose of sun-poisoning.

I'm an idiot.

Family drama abounds once again on a birthday (not mine).

This should only happen in extended families with vast buried secrets involving soap opera drama. Not small families with petty grudges.

It's almost as interesting when compared to the yearly LJ drama.

Last Minute Christmas Shopping

The Scary Gets Scarier.

How My Heart Grew Two Sizes Too Small

Rambles of An Exhausted Madwoman. :)


Yes, the shopping was that bad.

Windows Vista fixed. :) Clean install worked and managed to save my data.

Listening to the Impossible Dream by Elvis.

<3 Elvis everything.

Frank Sinatra does it better, though. It's hard to find a good recording of it that doesn't include fuzz.

I love smooth, velvet voices. I need to find more contemporary artists with velvet voices.

I don't really have a problem with any religious viewpoint. Unless you believe you have a right to use that belief/viewpoint to condescend to others.

For instance, debating religion:

The minute anyone starts throwing around ~imaginary friend~ or ~lol, skye-fairy~ in a condescending manner is the minute I can tell that person is a dumbass and should be given a wide berth.  (Looking at you, Joss Whedon. Sorry. I liked Buffy, but you produce too much smug for me to be a fan.* )

It's the same for religious people who tell you they'll 'pray for your poor, hell-bound soul'. (That's nice. Maybe one day I'll be condescending enlightened just like you.)

There is difference between debating religion rationally and 'lol, you're silly'.

It's not about being close-minded, 'open-minded', 'standing up for your beliefs'. It's about claiming you want to debate when all you really want to do is condescend to people you think are wrong.

And I'm not saying people shouldn't be allowed to go 'lol, silly' at anything. Just that it probably shouldn't be used as part of a civil debate.

(Using you in the general sense, of course.)

*Part of this is how 'fuck yes, I'm awesome' you act like, and part of it is your fans. Who can get pretty defensive about you.
 

~I'm Agnostic~

<Happy 4th of July>

For some reason, I'm a little wary of posting anything truly personal on here. I think the reason involves the cyberstalker bogeyman. The stories your parents and your media tell you. Don't give out info online. Someone could steal any information you give and use it in some way. Worse, you could be kidnapped, molested, and/or killed.

There are two sides to this.

=The chances of that happening to anyone are pretty slim.

=It still does happen even if it is uncommon or rare.

So the thought is still in my subconscious mind. Worry worry worry.

I'm not sure if I can change it. Or if I want to change it.

Rambling here. Stopping now.